I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
