these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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