I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
