3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
