It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
