This is not my ceiling
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i out mim tonsoeep
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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