I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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