If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
