Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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