You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Barsexuality is the new black.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
