Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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