So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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