so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
