How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
