i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
