My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
