I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
