I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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