I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
