He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize