It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
