just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
