She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
