Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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