i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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