You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You pole danced in your parka.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
