I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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