I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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