Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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