people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
