yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
