I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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