Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
