I'm so fucking centered right now
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
