can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
