he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
