the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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