Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
a search helicopter?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
