we have officially lost it.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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