Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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