with your own penis?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
