I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
