That's intense
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
