You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
