Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
