rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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