So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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