made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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