she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
