the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
