I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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