Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
