You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
