I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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