i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
