loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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