bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
