From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
