A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
