Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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