marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
