Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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