I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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