I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
