wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
