i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
