i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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