god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
tell me about the fingering
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
