please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
