dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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