so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
