So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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