Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
